It has taken me until now to realize I’m not the same person I was before I had my daughter. While I understood this truth intellectually, it has taken me a while to “get it”—this feeling of disorientation in pretty much every aspect of my life. I’ve changed. And while a lot of my life looks the same, becoming a mother has shifted my relationship to it all.
I’ve come up against a lot of internal resistance as I’ve tried to insert myself back into life as I knew it. In some ways it has felt like an unraveling of my old self. At times I’ve questioned everything, or wondered what the heck is wrong with me that I don’t fit neatly into my old paradigm. I had been thinking I might have to blow up my whole life to make room for all this inner change, but I’ve come to realize there’s infinite space in perspective.
No where have I felt this more than in my yoga practice. There’s something comforting about the poses I’ve been practicing for twenty years, because even thought the shapes remain the same, there’s so much shapeshifting that can happen inside the form. While I love and value all movement, I’m in a full blown asana renaissance. The postures remain unchanged, but I can feel them expanding to fit me and it’s teaching me so much about myself and how to align with the ever-changing nature of things.