I was pregnant when this photo was taken two years ago. It was my third pregnancy. I remember feeling alive and hopeful. I remember thinking, “This is it. This is when my story will change—when I can finally move past this pain and exhale. At last, my life can begin.”
A few weeks later, I lost the baby and my world fell apart. I fell apart. Again.
I tried to fix my pain, but there was no relief. I tried to get over my grief and move on, but as my friend Paula once said to me, “Chrissy, grief is not a speed bump. You can’t just get over it.”
It was only when I surrendered to my heartache that a simple truth emerged: This is your life. This is your practice. Life does not begin somewhere beyond your pain. H(om)e is right here, right now, wherever you are.
Pain is a teacher—it transforms. It asks us to let go of our resistance and radically accept what is. Only then, when all of the cards are on the table, can we see things as they truly are. Only then can we integrate and heal—and move forward.
This is what I learned: Feel it all. Feel your pain fully. Let it wash over you. Drop to your knees and surrender. Allow it move through you so that it does not become you. Let it strip away that belief that life is waiting for you somewhere on the other side. Your practice, your life, your Self, is wherever you are right now.